In May 1979, True Father called many members to come to a matching ceremony in New York. It was the first matching held in America. Everyone in the Las Vegas Center was qualified but me. I hurriedly helped others one pack their bags and leave for the airport. The next day a call came for me to come also.
The experiences of the Matching, the Blessing (1982) and the challenges and adventures of my interracial marriage will fill another book. But below are two snippets that occurred immediately after the matching.
How God Hears
The day members returned from the matching ceremony in New York City there was an airport ground workers’ strike and planes were delayed for hours. I fell asleep in the airport and had a short but very memorable dream.
A MFT brother was singing in my dream but I could not hear him.
This brother, SD, had one of the worst voices I have ever heard in my life. In our church we sing a lot- for worship and also entertainment. The first time I heard this brother sing a solo for a holiday gathering, I could not tell what in the world he was singing. I tried to pinpoint the notes, struggling to make sense of what I was hearing to no avail. Luckily, he always sang the same song, so this helped us, the audience, tremendously. In my arrogant self, I wondered why he sang when his voice was so bad.
Back to my dream:
He was singing in my dream. An angel was standing beside me and said simply, “You don't know how beautiful his voice is. You don't know how beautiful his voice is.”
I woke up.
I was shocked. God listens completely different than we do on earth. God's standard is heart, heart, heart, heart. The beginning and end standard. God sees, hears, tastes, smells, feels heart. By heart I mean the pure, sincere, unselfish love that transcends all barriers. If we want to speak the same language as God, we have to start here.
I did not realize how arrogant I was about art and music. Because I had a good voice and art ability, I assumed most other people did also. When I found out that they did not, I even found it odd. Arrogance is not inclusive enough of my affliction- clueless, socially inept, ..I’m sure there are more adjectives. (On a side note: I read a book in college by a mathematician. In it, he was bemoaning how ignorant and insufferable people are who have limited math ability. I am in that unfortunate group, but I could laugh because I recognized he shared the same affliction that I had- measuring others from one’s strengths. Hopefully, in old age, we have both grown beyond that disposition toward arrogance.)
I shared my dream with the brother who was in it. I know it was a gift from God, not only for him, but also a gentle reminder for me to consider others from God’s perspective- including my new husband-to-be.
I returned to Las Vegas after the matching and engagement ceremony. RP, the brother with whom I had worked so well before - witnessing in the casinos- picked me up at the airport. Almost the instant I got into the car, I felt a strong sexual tension between us. I was horrified. I considered my matching official in the eyes of God; I was not supposed to look at any other man as a boyfriend. In our normal day-to-day living, we also avoid any such feelings; celibacy in thoughts, feelings, words and actions are the standard. Usually I am so focused on my mission that I am like a horse with blinders on, oblivious to all around me. But now I was suddenly confronted with this powerful sexual attraction. Immediately I became angry toward this brother, snapped rudely at him and refused to work with him at all. I think I initially blamed him, but he did not say or do anything out of the ordinary. I definitely sought to create as much distance between us as I could.
As soon as possible, I wanted to report my situation to a central figure. Satan loves to multiply evil especially when we keep it hidden. Unfortunately, my immediate central figure in the Las Vegas center was a young American male. I was far too embarrassed-and somewhat distrustful of him- to share my dilemma. He was a somewhat horizontal-type person; he might not take my feelings seriously, whereas I felt it was a matter of life and death. I asked permission to call our commander in LA. His wife answered and said that he was on the road- unreachable. Her English was not good enough for me to report to her, so I decided to persevere. Perhaps these feelings would disappear by morning.
They did not. The next day they were as strong as ever. I could not look at this brother or be near him. I tried to call my commander again; he was still gone. The third day with no improvement, I felt that I might just go crazy; the commander was still unavailable. I went to the prayer room and decided to have an earth-shaking prayer. I heard in Barrytown Training, that before marriage we can love True Father (or True Mother for boys) as our betrothed. I looked at True Father’s photograph and pledged my loyalty to him, declaring that I did not want to be attracted to anyone else before my marriage. Immediately, I felt thousands of spirits that had been attached to my body, leave and go to True Father’s picture. The sexual feelings were completely gone. COMPLETELY!
Those spirits had been touching, stimulating every part of my body, especially my most sensitive parts, trying to cause me to fall. The fact that they rushed to True Father made me think about the Restoration Chapter of Divine Principle. Evil spirits (who can only do evil) try to initiate evil on earth; when the person overcomes their temptation, the evil spirits gain merit along with the person who overcame the trial. I am not 100% sure that was what was happening. Everything is recorded in the spirit world, so I will check the video when I get there.
But how very, very, very grateful I am to be over that wretched ordeal.
It also made me consider that Satan was threatened by my engagement. True Father said that the fastest way to world peace was through marriages of people from different races, different religions and from enemy nations. Satan was trying to destroy my interracial marriage before it even began.
I brought victory in this horrendous trial by holding onto God, True Parents and the Divine Principle. I will- I must- remember this in my future battles.